7d6, split between two attributes

On 20 Feb 2020, PlanetNiles (Ey/Em) NB on the workshop channel of the OSR Discord asked¹:

7d6, split between two attributes

What values are even possible?

One way to think about this is not in terms of the values themselves, but in terms of the difference between the two paired attributes. The maximum difference is when all dice are allocated to one attribute, leaving the other empty. This is then equivalent to the sum of the dice.

The minimum difference between the two is a form of the well-studied partition problem: given a set of numbers, can it be split into two sub-sets with equal sums? A heuristic method that can usually² find the smallest difference between our two subsets (and therefore if they can be equal or not) is called the Karmarkar-Karp method, which works as follows:

1. Take the two largest numbers in the set. Assume that these will go in opposite partitions.
2. Because they will go in opposite partitions, we subtract them from each other.
3. Instead of now deciding which partitions they will go in, we return the difference between them to the set. This is effectively deferring that decision until later.
4. Repeat steps 1-3 until there are only two numbers left. The difference of these last two numbers is the smallest difference we can make with this set.

Note that we didn't actually find what the partitions are, only what the difference between them is here. I hope this is clear enough, but I'm also sure that clearer explanations can be found with minimal searching.

With some wrangling, we can produce this lovely chart, where a heavier hexagon is a more likely pairing.

Hexagons are elegant, as odd/even combinations that cannot occur are skipped naturally.

From this, it looks like the system gives a lot of flexibility in assigning scores to your attributes.

What Values are Likely?

I have a concern about this mechanic though: if you give someone a range of numbers, and tell them to pick one, they will tend to pick in the middle³. If a player is dead-set on being boring, how boring can they be?

It might not be exactly true, but we can show the distribution of all the high stats and all the low stats together, and then compare them to the distribution of 7d6 literally divided in half (which is approximately normal).

This doesn't look great, but PlanetNiles has actually already got us covered here:

Of course. I'd further consider including subsystems where the difference between attributes had some sort of effect. So favouring one over the other would prove beneficial in some way, or at least open up different options.

The strength of this mechanic then will rely on the strength of the system. Given the range of the first figure though, I have confidence that an interesting system could be built here.

What about other mechanics?

Suppose we were looking for a similar mechanic, except that it would force a difference between the attributes where possible. We might expect intuitively, that fewer dice and larger dice are harder to partition effectively. This table gives the probability of a forced difference (although does not consider the size of that difference).

From this table, I thought I would look at 3d20, because it forces a difference the most often. The figures below have the same interpretations as the similar ones above, but for 3d20 instead of 7d6.

Python

This was my first project using Python, and I think it's an all right language. It'll probably displace Octave in my repertoire, but I'm sure I'll be right back at Perl if I start doing string stuff again. The code's a bit janky, but you can take a look here.

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1 “Asked” a little more directly this time, if only because I asked first.^back

2 According to Wikipedia, this method is “bad for instances where the numbers are exponential in the size of the set,” so like, probably fine?^back

3 I only know this anecdotally: if you tell a plant operator to keep some process temperature between a high limit and a low limit, without fail they will control it to the middle of the two. It makes sense to a person, but the optimal temperature is provably at one of the two extremes. Possibly, this is an extension of the anchoring effect.^back

Game Jams and More to Fight Social Isolation Blues

I added art to my entry in the Troika! Tarot Jam (11 days left at time of writing), and I now consider it finished. For these I wanted to communicate a lot of flavor without the standard explanatory preamble, to help them fit in such a small space. I think a lot of the backgrounds would be better remixed, but can stand alone as-is. I only hope that the illustrations aren't so specific that they interfere with anyone's interpretations of their own characters.

I don't technically have more time during social isolation because of work. But I still need things to occupy my mind, so here are some RPG-related activities:

• Troika! Tarot Jam
• Good Morning Apocalypse Game Jam
• The Great Khan's Celtic Adventure Contest
• Cone of Negative Energy: Please Stay Home Bundle
• Free PDFs from Exalted Funeral

There are also lots of other things:

• Entertaining Yourself in Times of Quarantine
• Virtual School Activities (all kinds of cameras and virtual museums)
• The National Mall [Cherry Blossom] Bloom Cam
• The Localhost Gallery (A Minecraft Art Gallery)
• Streaming Concerts
• A Streaming Variety Show
• Catch a Sourdough Starter

Please, stay safe and support each other.

The Bees Below

I promised my players I would “concoct some suitable fable” about atomic bees. It's not great prose, but I think it's functional. I didn't find a place to put laser-eyes in the story though, which I regret slightly.

One spring, when Bear awoke, his mother was dead. Unsure what to do, he went to Mole’s house to ask how he could get his mother back, for Mole was very wise.

Mole said, “In my deep journeys, I have encountered rare bees, and you must seek them. Ask them for their honey, which can work miracles.”

Bear traveled through the wood, by paths known only to animals. But in the distance, a hunter saw him, and was afraid.

Bear came to a cave entrance he had never seen before, and descended. He walked for days and nights until he came to a rickety bridge across a deep chasm. Bear was afraid, for he did not know if the bridge could hold his weight. But running across, Bear arrived at the far side, the bridge collapsing behind him.

Continuing, Bear came to a cavern piled with glittering wealth: rubies the size of sunflowers, gold coins from nameless empires, and flatware of the finest aluminum. But Bear, his heart still heavy with grief, cared not for the riches therein. He stopped, and wept “Oh! That such riches could bring back to me my mother! But alas, I must continue.”

Finally, Bear arrived at a meadow, so deep beneath the earth that the sun could not have suspected it to be possible. The flowers there were wrought of precious metals and the grass crinkled gently in the breeze. Glowing gently in the distance was the hive of the atomic bees.

The bees buzzed, “Bear, why are you so far from home, where the only light is the glow of our hive?” “My mother is dead and I cannot go on without her,” Bear wept. “Feed her some of our honey, and it will bring life to her bones,” the bees buzzed, and they gave him a thick honeycomb to bring back with him.

When Bear returned to the cave of treasures, he froze. A fearsome serpent had made its home there and was presently asleep, coiled about a velvet throne. Bear waited outside the cavern, but was impatient. Unsure what to do, he tasted a drop of the honey. His fur stood on end like a frightened cat’s tail, and when he next looked for his reflection in the polished surface of a silver mirror, he could not find it. No longer fearing the serpent, he strode boldly into the chamber. The clinking of coins woke the serpent, but its cries of “who goes there?” and “what have you brought me for tribute?” went unanswered, for Bear had already passed through the chamber.

At last, he came to the chasm, but the bridge was still broken, and the rushing river below could barely be heard so long was the fall. He sat and he wept, for he had come so far, but could not complete his quest. After a while, he grew hungry, and tasted another drop of the honey. At this taste, his teeth hummed like the bees below, and he lifted off the ground. Swimming through the air he came to the other side of the chasm and continued on his way.

Climbing the passage for days and nights, Bear saw the sun in the distance and rejoiced, “soon I will see my mother again!”, and bounded into the wood. But in his haste, Bear did not see the the hunter had set a cruel trap for him, and his legs were taken off by jaws of iron. Bear cried out, “How cruel! To see the sun again, but nevermore my mother!” Remembering the miraculous honey, he tasted another drop. His whole body felt as though it were on fire, and in panic, Bear patted down his limbs. Now he understood that his limbs had grown back, and were as strong as they had ever been.

Rejoicing, Bear walked the hidden paths back to his home, but when he attempted to place a drop of the honey in his mother’s mouth, he found that none was left. At this, Bear wept, and cursed the bees below. Their gift had meant nothing to him. And he cursed so loudly that the bees below heard his curse and were saddened. The bees could share no more, or they would have none for themselves. So they resolved to never again share their honey and to defend it from all others, to spare us all the Bear’s pain.

5d6 but only count straights and matching

On 7 Feb 2020, diregrizzlybear on the GLOG channel of the OSR Discord asked¹:

5d6 but only count straights and matching.

One solution might be to list all the rolls and score each one. This is probably feasible with a script. Instead, I enumerated the “hands”, and then found the probabilities of each of those.

Hands with No Degrees of Freedom

Run of Five

There are only two runs of five: ⚀⚁⚂⚃⚄ and ⚁⚂⚃⚄⚅. There is only one way to “make” each of these hands (“Count”), but because each die has a different face, there are 5!=120 possible orderings of each hand (Permutations).

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚁⚂⚃⚄	15	1	120	120
⚁⚂⚃⚄⚅	20	1	120	120

Quintuple

There are six possible quintuples, and again, there is only one way to construct each one. While there are 5! possible orderings of five dice, because five of them are interchangeable, there is only one possible ordering of a quintuple (5!/5!=1), which makes a quintuple much less likely than a run of five.

If this seems counter-intuitive, consider rolling one die five times in order. If your first roll is a ⚀, to eventually score quintuples, the next roll must also be a ⚀ (1/6 odds). To eventually score a run of five, the next roll must only be not ⚅ or ⚀ (4/6 odds).

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚀⚀⚀⚀	5	1	1	1
⚁⚁⚁⚁⚁	10	1	1	1
⚂⚂⚂⚂⚂	15	1	1	1
⚃⚃⚃⚃⚃	20	1	1	1
⚄⚄⚄⚄⚄	25	1	1	1
⚅⚅⚅⚅⚅	30	1	1	1

Run of Three + Double

There are 24 ways to score a run of three + double: 4 runs of three and 6 doubles. Depending on the doubled number, it may be possible to score this as other hands (run of four, triple), but this is never advantageous.

Because of the doubled number, there will be fewer ways to order this hand than a run of five, but more than a quintuple. If the doubled number is in the run, there are 5!/3!=20 possible orderings, and if it is not, then there are 5!2!=60.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚁⚂⚀⚀	8	1	20	20
⚀⚁⚂⚁⚁	10	1	20	20
⚀⚁⚂⚂⚂	12	1	20	20
⚀⚁⚂⚃⚃	14	1	60	60
⚀⚁⚂⚄⚄	16	1	60	60
⚀⚁⚂⚅⚅	18	1	60	60
⚁⚂⚃⚀⚀	11	1	60	60
⚁⚂⚃⚁⚁	13	1	20	20
⚁⚂⚃⚂⚂	15	1	20	20
⚁⚂⚃⚃⚃	17	1	20	20
⚁⚂⚃⚄⚄	19	1	60	60
⚁⚂⚃⚅⚅	21	1	60	60
⚂⚃⚄⚀⚀	14	1	60	60
⚂⚃⚄⚁⚁	16	1	60	60
⚂⚃⚄⚂⚂	18	1	20	20
⚂⚃⚄⚃⚃	20	1	20	20
⚂⚃⚄⚄⚄	22	1	20	20
⚂⚃⚄⚅⚅	24	1	60	60
⚃⚄⚅⚀⚀	17	1	60	60
⚃⚄⚅⚁⚁	19	1	60	60
⚃⚄⚅⚂⚂	21	1	60	60
⚃⚄⚅⚃⚃	23	1	20	20
⚃⚄⚅⚄⚄	25	1	20	20
⚃⚄⚅⚅⚅	27	1	20	20

Triple + Double

There are 30 ways to score a triple + double: 6 ways to score one and then 5 remaining ways to score the other (to exclude quintuples, which are already accounted for). As with run of three + double, we must account for duplicated numbers when counting orderings. There are then 5!/(3!*2!)=10 permutations of each.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚀⚀⚁⚁	7	1	10	10
⚀⚀⚀⚂⚂	9	1	10	10
⚀⚀⚀⚃⚃	11	1	10	10
⚀⚀⚀⚄⚄	13	1	10	10
⚀⚀⚀⚅⚅	15	1	10	10
⚁⚁⚁⚀⚀	8	1	10	10
⚁⚁⚁⚂⚂	12	1	10	10
⚁⚁⚁⚃⚃	14	1	10	10
⚁⚁⚁⚄⚄	16	1	10	10
⚁⚁⚁⚅⚅	18	1	10	10
⚂⚂⚂⚀⚀	11	1	10	10
⚂⚂⚂⚁⚁	13	1	10	10
⚂⚂⚂⚃⚃	17	1	10	10
⚂⚂⚂⚄⚄	19	1	10	10
⚂⚂⚂⚅⚅	21	1	10	10
⚃⚃⚃⚀⚀	14	1	10	10
⚃⚃⚃⚁⚁	16	1	10	10
⚃⚃⚃⚂⚂	18	1	10	10
⚃⚃⚃⚄⚄	22	1	10	10
⚃⚃⚃⚅⚅	24	1	10	10
⚄⚄⚄⚀⚀	17	1	10	10
⚄⚄⚄⚁⚁	19	1	10	10
⚄⚄⚄⚂⚂	21	1	10	10
⚄⚄⚄⚃⚃	23	1	10	10
⚄⚄⚄⚅⚅	27	1	10	10
⚅⚅⚅⚀⚀	20	1	10	10
⚅⚅⚅⚁⚁	22	1	10	10
⚅⚅⚅⚂⚂	24	1	10	10
⚅⚅⚅⚃⚃	26	1	10	10
⚅⚅⚅⚄⚄	28	1	10	10

Hands with One Degree of Freedom

Run of Four

There are three possible runs of four: ⚀⚁⚂⚃x, ⚁⚂⚃⚄x, ⚂⚃⚄⚅x, where x is our “unfixed” die (our degree of freedom). If x is equal to either the highest or lowest element of the run, then we instead have a run of three + double. If it is equal to a number after either end of the run, then we instead have a run of five. So for ⚀⚁⚂⚃x and ⚂⚃⚄⚅x, x has three possible values, and for ⚁⚂⚃⚄x, x has two possible values. We will also consider the cases where x is “inside” the run and “outside” the run separately, as the number of permutations is different.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚁⚂⚃x;x∈{⚁,⚂}	10	2	60	120
⚀⚁⚂⚃x;x=⚅	10	1	120	120
⚁⚂⚃⚄x;x∈{⚂,⚃}	14	2	60	120
⚂⚃⚄⚅x;x∈{⚃,⚄}	18	2	60	120
⚂⚃⚄⚅x;x=1	18	1	120	120

Quadruple

There are 6 possible quadruples, with 5 ways to construct each one (again, to exclude quintuples). There are 5!/4!=5 permutations of a quadruple.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚀⚀⚀x	4	5	5	25
⚁⚁⚁⚁x	8	5	5	25
⚂⚂⚂⚂x	12	5	5	25
⚃⚃⚃⚃x	16	5	5	25
⚄⚄⚄⚄x	20	5	5	25
⚅⚅⚅⚅x	24	5	5	25

Two Doubles

There are 15 ways to score two doubles (half as many as triple + double, because it doesn't matter which number is the first multiple and which number is the second). The unfixed die (x) can take any of the four remaining values². A hand of two doubles has 120!/(2!*2!)=30 permutations.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚀⚁⚁x	6	4	30	120
⚀⚀⚂⚂x	8	4	30	120
⚀⚀⚃⚃x	10	4	30	120
⚀⚀⚄⚄x	12	4	30	120
⚀⚀⚅⚅x	14	4	30	120
⚁⚁⚂⚂x	10	4	30	120
⚁⚁⚃⚃x	12	4	30	120
⚁⚁⚄⚄x	14	4	30	120
⚁⚁⚅⚅x	16	4	30	120
⚂⚂⚃⚃x	14	4	30	120
⚂⚂⚄⚄x	16	4	30	120
⚂⚂⚅⚅x	18	4	30	120
⚃⚃⚄⚄x	18	4	30	120
⚃⚃⚅⚅x	20	4	30	120
⚄⚄⚅⚅x	22	4	30	120

Hands with Two Degrees of Freedom

Run of Three

There are 4 runs of three: ⚀⚁⚂xy, ⚁⚂⚃xy, ⚂⚃⚄xy, ⚃⚄⚅xy. However, x cannot equal y (else we have run of three + doubles), x and y cannot both equal numbers in the run (else we have two doubles), and neither of x and y can equal a fourth part in the run (else we have a run of four).

For a run of three with no duplicates (for example, ⚀⚁⚂⚄⚅), there are 5!=120 permutations. For a run of three with one duplicate, there are 5!/2!=60 permutations.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚁⚂xy;x∈{⚀⚁⚂},y∈{⚄⚅}	6	6	60	360
⚀⚁⚂xy;(x,y)=(⚄,⚅)	6	1	120	120
⚁⚂⚃xy;x∈{⚁⚂⚃},y=⚅	9	3	60	180
⚂⚃⚄xy;x∈{⚂⚃⚄},y=⚀	12	3	60	180
⚃⚄⚅xy;x∈{⚃⚄⚅},y∈{⚀⚁}	15	6	60	360
⚃⚄⚅xy;(x,y)=(⚀,⚁)	15	1	120	120

Triple

There are six possible triples, each with two degrees of freedom (x,y). x cannot equal y, neither of x and y can equal the tripled number, and x and y cannot form a run of three with the tripled number. There are then (5²-5)/2-R=10-R ways to make each triple, where R is the number of runs of three containing the tripled number.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚀⚀xy	3	9	20	180
⚁⚁⚁xy	6	8	20	160
⚂⚂⚂xy	9	7	20	140
⚃⚃⚃xy	12	7	20	140
⚄⚄⚄xy	15	8	20	160
⚅⚅⚅xy	18	9	20	180

Hands with Three Degrees of Freedom

Doubles

There are six possible doubles, each with three degrees of freedom (x,y,z). None of x, y, and z can equal each other, none of x, y, and z can equal the doubled number, and x, y, and z cannot form a run with the tripled number. There are then 5!/(3!*(5-3)!)-R1-R2 =10-R1-R2 ways to make each double, where R1 is the number of runs of three (4) and R2 is the number of runs of four containing the doubled number.

Hand	Score	Count	Permutations	Odds
⚀⚀xyz	2	5	60	300
⚁⚁xyz	4	4	60	240
⚂⚂xyz	6	3	60	180
⚃⚃xyz	8	3	60	180
⚄⚄xyz	10	4	60	240
⚅⚅xyz	12	5	60	300

Other Hands

Other hands are not possible with 5 dice, but I did not bother to prove this more formally. Instead, I can show that all hands are accounted for: there are 6^5=7776 possible rolls (in order), and the sum of all the “Odds” of the above hands is 7776.

Results

Now we can sum the odds by score (instead of by hand) and normalize them. This gives us the following distribution.

Score	Odds
1	0
2	300
3	180
4	265
5	1
6	940
7	10
8	355
9	330
10	741
11	80
12	915
13	40
14	620
15	791
16	405
17	100
18	760
19	140
20	296
21	140
22	160
23	30
24	105
25	21
26	10
27	30
28	10
29	0
30	1

The minimum score is 2, maximum 30, mean ~12.4, median 11, and mode 6. My spreadsheet is a bit messy, but you can see it here. Let me know if anything here seems off.

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1 “Asked” is a strong word. Nobody asked for this.^back

2 In the case of ⚀⚀⚁⚁⚂, both run of three and two doubles would score 6. For convenience, we will consider it as two doubles, because restrictions to exclude it are already part of the math for a run of three.^back

Crisis on Christmas

The problem with Troika! is that it’s written in a bunch of encapsulated little thought-forms. And they’re infectious ideas, like the way you start counting every word’s syllables after you first learn about haiku. What started as an entry in my running note of bad ideas blossomed into a week-long distraction from work, and now this thing.

I wanted to get this out on Christmas day, but I didn't want to take myself away from the festivities to write this post. So happy Boxing Day! It wouldn't be a proper gift if I'd given myself time to finish it, but I may go back and finish it later.

Secret Santicorn 2019

Sky Seeker asked:
Dear Santicorn,
Please bring me

New ways to mess with time/space/fate, be it mechanics, spells, worldbuilding or beyond. If pokemon can reboot the universe to patch in a baby god we can do better: https://youtu.be/GxC1kXm_AVs

The Slipsoul – a Character Option

Infinite parallel universes teem around us, multitudes branching out with every decision and movement. Normally, these worlds are inaccessible and inhospitable. But when you die, your mind does not go gently into the night, but casts about wildly to find purchase on any reality that will take it. When you’re lucky, it’s relatively close to the world your remember.

These rules assume a D&D-ish game, but could be easily adapted to others. Mechanical effects, if any, are left as an exercise for the referee and the effects of further re-rolls are left open to negotiation.

Whenever you fail a death save, roll on the slide table and appear stabilized, but in a different reality. That this reality is different is apparent only to you. For example, if you roll “No eyes” the wound is old, and your companions may remember how you lost them. If you later re-roll the same number, you find yourself instead in the universe the next column over, as your mind reaches for further and further branches of reality. For example, if you roll a “1” a second time, then you still have no eyes, but find yourself able to see spirits.

The Slide Table

d12	First	Second	Third	Fourth
1	No eyes.	See spirits.	See the past.	Something else sees what you see.
2	Covered in tattoos.	Know and can cast random spell.	Spell casts itself when you take damage.	No one else can cast the spell.
3	Dave loyally follows you everywhere.	Davinia also follows you everywhere.	Dave & Davinia are retired in the city.	Nobody has ever heard of Dave or Davinia.
4	Pockets full of money.	Warrant for your arrest.	Owe a criminal favor.	Run a small gang.
5	Forsaken by religions.	Resting grants no benefit.	There are no stars.	Free from the wheel of death and rebirth.
6	No fingers on off hand.	Off-arm is a tentacle.	+d6 tentacles.	You are an octopus.
7	Lycanthropy.	Contacts despise you.	Covered in scars.	+d6 wolf companions.
8	Slide on any failed save.	Slide instead of save.	Optionally, slide instead of skill check.	Roll twice when sliding.
9	Super nice clothes.	Parents look for you.	Assassin targets you.	Inherit a small estate.
10	Require double rations.	Do not need sleep when you rest.	Cannot heal naturally.	Begin to rot.
11	Very short.	Darkvision.	Stonecunning.	Ancestors will aid you.
12	False leg.	Key hidden in leg.	Compartments in limbs.	Need regular maintenance.

Printout

I also made this printout of the table, so that you might have the satisfaction of striking the universes you've already rolled.

Licking the Bowl

Taking the prompt as "petty uses of cosmic power", I also sketched out two other ideas.

Fold Self – a GLOG Spell

When you rest to heal, you can choose not to heal any number of HP, instead leaving part of yourself (astrally) in that location. When casting the spell, roll [dice] over (max HP - HP at that location) to transport yourself and your carried objects to that location. This isn't really teleportation, it's more like squeezing a four-dimensional water wiggly.

Johnny Luckturner – an NPC Outline

Recently broke off from a larger organization and they're not happy about it. All their best people have returned broken or not at all. Maybe a bunch of bumbling patsies could get the job done?

Whenever multiple dice are rolled against Johnny, only the worst value is used (even if they would normally sum). Sneak attacks, advantages, fireballs, etc. all fall flat before his absurd luck. He doesn't know how this works though, and he's a pretty average combatant.

Podcasts (Fiction)

Following Dan at Throne of Salt, I decided to review some of the podcasts I listen to. Because "Oh God I Listen to So Many" is a sentiment I can share. I found his post very useful, as it finally convinced me to listen to the Magnus Archives, so I hope that someone else may find some gems here.

To keep the list manageable, I'm only listing fiction podcasts for now (not actual play, history, etc.), and I've broken it into "Abandoned", "Caught Up", "Underway", and "On My Radar". "Serialized" means you should probably start at the beginning, and "episodic" means you can probably start anywhere. "Nondiagetic" here means that the people doing the recording know there's an audience, but I've probably applied it inconsistently. "Explicit" means you'll want headphones, at least.

Abandoned

I started these, but have no intention of finishing or catching up right now.

Archive 81

• serialized (?)
• horror
• nondiagetic

If the act of producing The Magnus Archives was itself a ritual of some kind. I just didn't have the time to get a feel for it.

The Signal

• serialized
• sci-fi

I remember listening to this, but nothing else about it.

Steal the Stars

• serialized
• sci-fi

A para-military organization guards a UFO. Too tense for me. I can do horror, but I can't do suspense generated by human decisions. I imagine this is like how some people just cannot handle cringe comedy.

The Black Tapes

• episodic
• horror
• nondiagetic

A podcaster follows an experienced paranormal investigator looking into his "black tapes"—the tapes he could never explain away. I liked individual episodes well enough, but they felt "unfinished". I didn't care at all for the metaplot, which from what I understand dominates later episodes.

It Makes A Sound

• serialized

An obsessive fan of an obscure musician searches for an early tape. I think? It wasn't what I was expecting, so I left quickly.

The Other Stories

• episodic
• horror

Short horror stories. Seemed workmanlike, but I may revisit it. There is a different podcast also called The Other Stories, which is unrelated.

Kench!

• serialized
• comedy

I was only in it for the first miniseries (5 episodes), starring Ben Partridge of Beef & Dairy Network. If you like Beef & Dairy Network, you'll like that, but the rest is wildly different from what I can tell.

Mission to Zyxx

• episodic (?)
• comedy
• sci-fi

A space-diplomat gets sent to the sticks. It's not bad, but there are too many podcasts. I do enjoy the episodes that crop up on the Max Fun bonus episode feed.

Caught Up

I've listened to all of these that there is to listen to.

Adventures in New America

• serialized
• horror
• comedy

Satire in future America with space vampires. Very camp. I probably would have bounced off it, but I had a lot of time on my hands.

Beef and Dairy Network

• episodic
• comedy

Absolutely one of my favorite podcasts, but very difficult to explain. When I try to explain it to friends I just get weird looks. I recommend starting with the first episode ("Dr. David Pin") or episode 52 ("Tusk Henderson", guest starring Nick Offerman).

The Bridge

• serialized
• horror

Traffic reports broadcast from a watchtower along the (abandoned) trans-Atlantic bridge. I think I'm a sucker for both alternate history settings and horror about people with boring jobs.

Bubble

• serialized
• comedy
• sci-fi

Inside the bubble is a city of relative safety, and outside is wasteland with devils in it. The devils occasionally break through and fighting them is subcontracted through a ride-share style app. A weird premise, but well-executed.

Deadly Manners

• serialized
• comedy
• crime

Basically the Clue movie but with different famous people (LeVar Burton, Kristen Bell, Michelle Visage) and a good dose of cold war paranoia.

Dreamboy

• serialized
• horror
• explicit

Weird things happening to a horny gay musician spending a winter as a zookeeper in Cleveland Ohio. It's a mood.

Getting On with James Urbaniak

• episodic
• comedy

Comedian James Urbaniak, whose voice you know, adopts a variety of personas to deliver deranged self-centered monologues. A true gem, but sadly dead.

In Darkness Vast

• serialized
• horror
• sci-fi

Season 1 is "when Star Trek goes wrong". Season 2 is a about identity and celebrity, but more about survival on a hostile planet. I really enjoyed these, and hope for more.

Middle:Below

• episodic
• horror (?)

Aims for Doctor Who with Ghosts, but sometimes ends up a little on the "community theater" side of things. Charming though, enough to compensate.

The Orbiting Human Circus

• serialized

Julian Koster of Neutral Milk Hotel tells surreal Christmas tales for children. If it had actually been broadcast in the 20th century, I expect that listening to it would be a family Christmas tradition, like a sharp-edged Rankin-Bass film.

Pounded in the Butt by My Own Podcast

• episodic
• comedy
• explicit

Podcasting celebrities read the works of Chuck Tingle aloud, sometimes with friends, rarely sober, and apparently with very little preparation.

Sandra

• serialized

What if the engine behind the newest voice assistant was actually just a secret warehouse of people with access to all of your personal information? Despite that setup, this is not a satire or sci-fi show. It hit the same "tension comes from people's decisions" note that I found very stressful in Steal the Stars, but I made it through.

Tides

• serialized
• sci-fi

A scientist is trapped on the surface of a strange planet, with only intermittent communication. A weirdly meditative experience.

A Very Fatal Murder

• serialized
• crime
• comedy

The Onion does Serial. If you're the type of person to read a whole Onion article, you'll get a kick out of this. If you're the type of person to laugh at the headline and then move on, you'll probably be content to know that it exists. The ads are memorable.

Your Attention Please

• episodic
• comedy

Monologues delivered without context. Dead at two episodes, but I was laughing out loud at both of them (well, giggling madly).

Underway

I have listened to some of these and either finished, or intend to finish.

Alice Isn't Dead

• serialized
• horror

Season one, a trucker makes odd deliveries around the US while searching for her wife (Alice) and running from things. Season two is all conspiracies and paranoia. It's really good.

The Cryptonaturalist

• episodic

Each episode describes an encounter with a fantastical cryptid, and also has some poetry and other ramblings. Took me a couple episodes to get into, but I think it was just me.

The Ghastly Tales Podcast

• episodic
• horror

Scottish people read short stories.

Hello From the Magic Tavern

• serialized
• fantasy
• nondiagetic

A podcaster fell through a gap in reality to the mystical land of Foon and this podcast is his lifeline. Every episode he and his friends interview a different resident of Foon. It's like an improv game, where the only rule is that anything anyone says is canon. It's hilarious, and I understand there's a great second season and a spinoff podcast, but there's just so much of it.

Lake Clarity

• serialized
• horror

Strange goings-on around Lake Clarity. A pastiche of classic campground horror.

LeVar Burton Reads

• episodic

LeVar Burton Reads things to you. It's good.

Lightspeed Magazine - Science Fiction and Fantasy

• episodic

A small stable of narrators read stories from recent issues of Lightspeed Magazine. I'd recommend a lot of them.

Limetown

• serialized
• horror
• crime (?)

A radio host looks into the historical disappearance of a secluded research facility. Really good tension, satisfyingly banal evil. I haven't listened to season two yet, and I understand there's a show on "Facebook Watch", which I unfortunately do not care enough to learn how to use.

The Lost Cat Podcast

• serialized (seasons 2 & 4)
• episodic (seasons 1 & 4)
• horror

Nominally, the host looks for his lost cat. Each episode in any season is a well-crafted horror story, and in the first three seasons, each one has a brief musical interlude. I really love the worldbuilding.

The Magnus Archives

• episodic
• horror

I'm listening to this as I write these reviews, and it occurs to me how many other podcasts must have been aiming for this, and how skillfully it avoids all of their pitfalls. An archivist inherits a backlog of supernatural witness statements, and sets about recording them on tape and sometimes taking new statements. It's a very clean premise: every episode, of necessity, has something supernatural, and then the host is allowed to poke at it after. I appreciate that this poking is usually disbelief, but not always because it might be more likely within the world of the Archives.

Old Gods of Appalachia

• episodic (?)
• horror

The Appalachain chain was a prison for unspeakable things, and also there's witches. It's pretty good so far.

The Orphans

• serialized
• sci-fi

A bunch of crash-landed amnesiacs try to survive on a weird planet. I'm not far into it yet.

The Thrilling Adventure Hour

• episodic
• comedy

Different titles recall different types of show from classic old-time radio, but with modern comedians doing the voice acting. I particularly enjoy "Beyond Belief" (what if Nick and Nora saw ghosts) and "Sparks Nevada: Marshall on Mars" (self-explanatory).

The Truth

• episodic

Each episode is a fully-produced, sharply-written, short drama. There's a lot of them, and a lot of them walk that same uneasy line as Limetown and Sandra.

Welcome to Night Vale

• episodic
• horror
• comedy

"Community radio from the Twilight Zone". Justified and ancient. Sometimes gets a bit caught up in its mythology, but when it's good it's really good.

Within the Wire

• serialized
• horror
• sci-fi
• nondiagetic
• second person

A series of guided meditation tapes help you escape from some kind of dystopian institution. Immersive experience.

Wolf 359

• serialized
• sci-fi
• horror
• comedy

Comms officer on a remote monitoring station broadcasts his logs into the void. There's a lot of Red Dwarf in the DNA, but also some alternate history world-building and some banal corporate evil.

On My Radar

I haven't even started these yet.

• Darkest Night
• DUST
• Empty
• Twilight Histories
• The Walk
• The White Vault
• Wooden Overcoats